When Love Drains You, Let Love Heal You

Where exhaustion comes from and how to fill back up in the thick of motherhood

Some seasons of motherhood are beautifully intense — filled with cuddles, giggles, and little voices calling for “Mommy” every few minutes. But let’s be honest: they are also filled with moments when we feel completely drained.

Caring for a determined, climbing-everything toddler requires constant attention. As a stay-at-home mom, it’s natural that this responsibility falls on me during the day. When my husband — who works from home — occasionally leaves his office door open to help while I hang the laundry, or even pulls our daughter into his lap to hear about her morning adventures, I feel incredibly grateful.

But what happens when work hours are over? When Dad finally steps out of the office — do we instantly feel like it’s his turn to take over? Do we find ourselves resentful if he needs a moment to rest, too?

The truth is, we rarely talk about what actually drains us. It’s not the walks, the singing, or even the playtime. It's the constant giving — the putting aside of our own needs, hour after hour, day after day.

You’re just trying to grab eggs for dinner, and suddenly you’re collecting pebbles and waiting out puddle-hopping detours that stretch a 10-minute errand into 45.

You're starving, but you feed everyone else first and scarf down your now-cold meal while your toddler clings to you, rubbing tired eyes and searching for her bunny blanket.

You can't remember the last time you went to the bathroom alone.

You attempt a ponytail and sunscreen mid-meltdown.

You drink your coffee cold. Again.

A 20-minute recipe becomes a 90-minute mission, interrupted by snack breaks, hugs, emotional rescues, and the occasional life-saving act (like stopping your toddler from climbing the bookshelf).

And nap-trapped? Many times you’re mentally listing what still hasn’t been done — and wondering why your phone is in the kitchen.

By the end of the day, many of us crave silence. Space. Something that’s just ours. A hot cup of tea. A sandwich. A shower without tiny feet approaching or little voices asking “Mommy, where are you?”

This is where knowing what recharges you becomes a lifeline. If you can identify one or two things that truly fill your cup — and ask your partner to give you that space when they can — it can prevent resentment from building.

Don’t settle for things that seem productive but leave you just as empty (like mopping or doing dishes). Instead, choose something that brings real joy: a warm bath, hot cocoa with your favorite magazine, a moment to breathe and remember who you are beyond “Mommy.”

This phase — these intense, all-consuming years — are not easy. They can test even the strongest marriages. We often feel unseen. Like no one notices how much we’re giving, sacrificing, adjusting every single day.

But I believe deeply that both parents have equally important roles — whether one is working outside the home or running the household. Each role carries weight, just in different ways, at different times.

Our husbands don’t need to clock into a second full-time shift the moment work ends, or give up all hobbies to help us tidy. But they do need to understand what we need to function, to thrive — and we need to communicate those needs clearly.

Take time to reflect on what truly brings you joy, peace, and energy in your day. And don’t be afraid to voice it to the one who shares your life.

Because when we start filling our cups — with even small, soul-nourishing moments — we begin to see our partners' efforts more kindly. We shift our focus from what's lacking to the love that holds us all together.

What truly brings you joy? What small or simple rituals could you squeeze into your busy days to nourish your heart and soul?